“I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay”
― Sara Evans
It wasn’t working, he wasn’t ready to settle, she lied, he cheated.
So you’ve broken up now and you officially have an ‘ex’.
It’s hard to get used to it; your best friend yesterday is the farthest stranger today, or maybe even your archenemy, depending on the circumstances that surround your split.
Whatever the peculiarity of the break up, there are classy ways to live through the tough days that follow.
- Don’t diss or throw shade on social media.
This is the most common post breakup activity in the 21st century but guess what? It’s not classy. The pain of a breakup can be quite distressing but publicly disparaging your ex to vilify him or her or solicit pity and attention will not undo the hurt.
If you must talk, talk to friends, loved ones or counsellors. The temptation to shade may be pressing but know that this may lead to counter shades and start and unprofitable debate, thereby disrupting the burial of an otherwise amicable parting.
You can share your lessons later without throwing shade- you show people your scars, not your wounds.
- Take time to heal.
Don’t hurry into another relationship to prove you’re the winner. Be protective of your emotional health; don’t put your heart at risk to win a silly race (if ever there is one). No be him who first get belle dey born boy. It’s not the first to conceive that has a boy [Meaning: It is not the first to get something that gets the best]
- Don’t show them what they are missing.
Ladies, you’re not a statuette that is showed off as proof of winning. Your body is not a weapon of revenge. It is too important to be treated as such because it contains you. If you’re so convinced that your ex didn’t appreciate your value, prove it to yourself- achieve that goal and have a good life. Let your disappointment motivate you to do something more impactful and sensible than flaunting your body.
- Don’t set his Range Rover ablaze.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
What but madness can make a person set a brand new vehicle on fire? Anger is a temporary form of madness- it is unwise to let anger get a hold of you. Refuse to be the raving lunatic he’s claiming you are. His loss will not equate your gain. Cry instead; nobody will know and you won’t land your broken-hearted self in jail.
- When you move on, move up.
I don’t necessarily mean move from the millionaires’ club to the billionaires’.
I mean avoid repeating poor choices in partners. In her book, How to spot a dangerous man, Sandra L. Brown talks of repetitive mistakes women make when dating- If their last failed relationship was with a drug addict, they are conscious of this flaw, to the exclusion of other possible flaws when going into the next relationship. Unfortunately, even if the new beau isn’t an addict, he can be a beater.
Then she leaves him and is wary of beaters. Unfortunately again, she gets involved with a robber or even a murderer and the cycle continues. Such women claim to have ‘moved on’ but they haven’t ‘moved up’ because they keep dating different men with the same set of problems.
While moving up will not necessarily guarantee happily ever after, it will give a vantage point from which one can see better and choose better.