‘A Real Presence’

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‘Love at first sight’ may also imply that ‘Repulsion at first sight’ is a possibility.

This does not strictly apply to the opposite sex but to everyone that has a form and an appearance.

Whatever inspires ‘love’ or otherwise at first sight is largely dependent on the observer’s definition of attraction which may vary from one individual to another- a cheerful countenance, a calm personality or a graceful disposition.

When it comes to meeting someone, there are three essential levels, the first of which I call the ‘appearance stage’.

The appearance stage gives certain information such as one’s height, weight, complexion, dressing and countenance.


Being the first aspect of introduction, it is imperative that detailed attention be paid, particularly to dressing and countenance both of which can be easily altered.

The totality of the appearance primarily provides a template upon which other observations are collated.

There a few things an appearance can tell of a person- example is fashion sense and the present mood.

These may not seem important, yet it is vital that the appearance is up to par as this may be the closest stage of introduction some people will ever know.
The next stage I term the “presence stage” and is equally as important as the appearance stage.

Many things inform of one’s presence, principally, the level of confidence exuded.

You may have heard of such a thing as a “commanding presence” which can be identified by the ease with which confidence is displayed naturally.


There is something about the way a person walks into a room that informs even those at the farthest corners of his/her presence even without breathing a word.

This is what I call ‘a real presence’ and let me add here that it has nothing to do with adding a spring to your step or smiling with a side of your mouth to show off a dimple or arching a brow or diligently catwalking into a room like it was a runway or displaying other acts of teenage swagger.

A real presence is emphasised more by who you are, what you do effortlessly more than what involves so much effort.

A real presence communicates (in a positive sense) even before the verbal.

It is imperative to understand that the appearance works with the presence, as a matter of fact, there can be no presence without an equally commendable appearance.

By the same token, a presence must be given to an appearance. Picture a lady walking into a room in a well tailored, pricey suit with a bent head and slouching shoulders- she may have the appearance but the presence is lacking. In summary, the appearance is the person and the presence is the personality of the person.


Last but not the least is the “substance stage”. While the appearance and presence of a person can be likened to a one-way communication, the substance is a two-way communication because it reveals desires, intentions, tendencies and other elements that make up the character of a person.

This is the stage where the verbal communication is actually established. Look at it this way- the appearance stage can be likened to observing a portrait on the wall whereby the physical features are evident- the face, the complexion, perhaps weight, dressing and the apparent countenance which can form a premise.

This is one way communication. The ‘presence stage’ can also be likened to watching a video clip- it may inform of a person’s personality and level of confidence but it is still one way communication.

The substance stage, quite differently avails the opportunity for real verbal communication because it provides actual knowledge of a person’s mental, intellectual and emotional levels- you may know why good establishments involve an oral interview during recruitment processes now.

Therefore, having gone through these stages with an acquaintance, Jane, I could say, “Jane is a well-dressed (appearance), jovial (presence), intelligent (substance) lady”. The appearance stage gives the privilege to recognise, the presence to describe and the substance to know.


2 thoughts on “‘A Real Presence’

  1. Olusegun Ayodele 13/02/2013 — 18:12

    “In summary, the appearance is the person and the presence is the personality of the person.”
    I likey .

    1. Thank you.
      Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

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